Does God play tricks on anyone else or just me?
As you all know, I have been interviewing and begging for jobs for months now. I have appropriately laid out coffee and donuts for God so that he will forget all that “free will” crap and lay a heavy hand on my future bosses and tell me I can have the jobs that I have skillfully and professionally groveled over.
Well, since God is dealing with Amanda Bynes and her bong at the moment, I had to take matters into my own hands. (Actually, I heard God whisper the words “thank you’s” to me and so I decided he wanted me to send some follow-up e-mails to my prospective bosses thanking them for taking my time and leaving me anxiously hanging for the last week.)
I searched my Skype contact list, retrieved the names and I typed a lovely e-mail to the man and woman who interviewed me in Germany (Mr. and Mrs. Blah blah). Then, I let spell check do its thing and I hit send.
Now, anyone who knows me, I mean really knows me, (eehem, God), knows I am not into details. Never have been and probably never will be. And I am easily distracted. I just get bored with things quickly and move on to another. That’s why I make a good kindergarten teacher. I think exactly like a five-year old.
Oh yeah, back to my point. I mean, seriously, details are for cake decorators and maybe judges of camel beauty contest.
Yes, folks, there are camel beauty contests. Seriously, how do you judge if a camel is beautiful? Camel toe? Good lord.
Oh wait, here it is:
But, I digress. That means I lost track of what I was saying ‘cause I’m not paying attention to the entire original point of this story.
So, after I typed this awesome e-mail to the interviewers and sent it, I reread the message. Yep, it’s still awesome. Except one teeny tiny detail; It read: Dear TAMMY… and the woman’s name is TANJA. God’s spell check auto correct invention changed her name and I didn’t even notice it.
Hey, I didn’t notice, so I’m pretty sure she wont either. But people have told me otherwise.
God, you invented spell check. This is your fault.
So, I sent a follow-up message apologizing to TANJA for God’s spelling mistake.
An hour later I got an e-mail response that said:
I can see why spell check may not have caught this – because my name is KARMA. Our Director is Mr. (blah blah) – no relation!
Thank you for the interview. We are currently still going through the interview process.
What the fuck? Who the hell is Karma?
Well played God. You’re a friggin crack-up. You have challenged me with a burnt up whooley who this week (Fire Crotch – It’s not what you think. Well, maybe it is..) and now you have Karma pissed at me.
Well folks, looks like I won’t be working in Germany. Nor will I be sending thank you notes to anyone ever again. You’re welcome.