Well folks, it’s the first week of June and I’m still waiting to hear if I will be teaching in the fall.
I know you will all be as shocked as I was when I got this e-mail from the school in the Czech Republic.
Thank you for being patient.
I regret to inform you that we will be proceeding with another candidate who has recent experience teaching in classroom with 3, 4 and 5-year-old students at the same time.
Thank you again for your interest and best of luck to you.
Seriously? I am still reeling from disbelief. Was that was the job I interviewed for? Was I drunk when I did this interview? 3, 4 AND 5-year old’s? 3,4, and 5-year-old children? At the same time? And, there are actually people out there have done this and are willing to do it again? I mean really folks, I must have heard that one of the benefits was that I would get a bottle of rum each day just to cope with the madness. Really, who ever accepted that position is insane or drunk. Or happily both.
Speaking of insane or drunk, I interviewed for another job in China that asked me to do exactly that – teach 4, 5, and 6-year old’s – at the same time. Not drink rum all day. (But wouldn’t that be awesome? Rum all day. But, I’m pretty sure that job is taken already. Lucky ducky.)
Seriously folks, where was that little voice that talks you outta stupid shit you think you should do and you shouldn’t. You know the one, the voice of “reason.” The voice that would have said to me: “They are small and wiggley. They NEVER stop moving. Or talking. And they are always sticky. And, they almost never have money or liquor to share.” If I had heard that voice I might have reconsidered and become the next American Idol – boom operator. Are American Idolian’s sticky? Crap.
Hey, here’s what needs to happen; You guys need to pass my blog around, brag about it and get me famous so I can write a New York Times Best selling book that will become the next summer blockbuster, where Nicole Kidman plays me and George Clooney plays God, and save me from the sticky booze-less children.
In the meantime, I am taking my friend’s advice and upgrading my “gifts” to God.
That’s right folks, those are two delicious smelling, massive, walnut Cinnabon cinnamon rolls with extra icing. Now, I was hesitant to dish out the money for these magnificent treats to God because I am pretty sure he will say, “If you can afford goodies like this, chickee-poo, than you can solve your own problems.”
But, I will have a little faith and believe that God is a slob like one of us, will gorge on these delectable treats, go in to a sugar induced frenzy and start granting all of my wishes like the good God that He is. And probably get sticky. Crap.