God’s little jokes: Spell check and Karma.

Does God play tricks on anyone else or just me?

As you all know, I have been interviewing and begging for jobs for months now.  I have appropriately laid out coffee and donuts for God so that he will forget all that “free will” crap and lay a heavy hand on my future bosses and tell me I can have the jobs that I have skillfully and professionally groveled over.

Well, since God is dealing with Amanda Bynes and her bong at the moment, I had to take matters into my own hands. (Actually, I heard God whisper the words “thank you’s” to me and so I decided he wanted me to send some follow-up e-mails to my prospective bosses thanking them for taking my time and leaving me anxiously hanging for the last week.)

I searched my Skype contact list, retrieved the names and I typed a lovely e-mail to the man and woman who interviewed me in Germany (Mr. and Mrs. Blah blah).   Then, I let spell check do its thing and I hit send.

Now, anyone who knows me, I mean really knows me, (eehem, God), knows I am not into details.  Never have been and probably never will be. And I am easily distracted.   I just get bored with things quickly and move on to another.  That’s why I make a good kindergarten teacher.  I think exactly like a five-year old.

Oh yeah, back to my point.  I mean, seriously, details are for cake decorators and maybe judges of camel beauty contest.

Yes, folks, there are camel beauty contests.  Seriously, how do you judge if a camel is beautiful?  Camel toe? Good lord.


Oh wait, here it is:


But, I digress.  That means I lost track of what I was saying ‘cause I’m not paying attention to the entire original point of this story.

So, after I typed this awesome e-mail to the interviewers and sent it, I reread the message.  Yep, it’s still awesome. Except one teeny tiny detail; It read: Dear TAMMY… and the woman’s name is TANJA.   God’s spell check auto correct invention changed her name and I didn’t even notice it.

Hey, I didn’t notice, so I’m pretty sure she wont either.  But people have told me otherwise.

God, you invented spell check.  This is your fault.


So, I sent a follow-up message apologizing to TANJA for God’s spelling mistake.

An hour later I got an e-mail response that said:

 Dear Julie,

I can see why spell check may not have caught this – because my name is KARMA.  Our Director is Mr. (blah blah) – no relation!

Thank you for the interview. We are currently still going through the interview process.

Best regards,



What the fuck?  Who the hell is Karma?

Well played God.  You’re a friggin crack-up.  You have challenged me with a burnt up whooley who this week (Fire Crotch – It’s not what you think. Well, maybe it is..) and now you have Karma pissed at me.

Well folks, looks like I won’t be working in Germany.  Nor will I be sending thank you notes to anyone ever again.  You’re welcome.

Into the Middle East without a Camel.

I live in the Middle East. Why?  I don’t know… please don’t ask me such difficult questions.

So, here I am in the middle of the desert, working as a teacher. I just might be crazy. I talk to myself. I talk to myself to figure out what I’m doing working in the Middle East at this random school. Well, I don’t talk to myself out loud.  At least not when people are around.

It wouldn’t quite so bad if we had our own camels. I mean, camels are totally cool. If I ran a school, I would give all my teachers camels. But, I’m just awesome like that.

I’m loosing my mind. I am trying to get out of this school, primarily because they REFUSE buy me a camel.  Anti-camelists.

Not only am I trying to figure out what I was thinking to get me to the Middle East, but now I am trying to find a new teaching job ANYWHERE and I’m stressed to the max! U.S.A., China, Prague, Germany, Mars? I’ve applied. Except to Mars. They aren’t currently excepting applications.

TO ALL SCHOOL EMPLOYERS: I know I don’t have Nanny McPhee’s skills, but I’m a good teacher.   OH, I get it, you don’t want to hire a crazy person that talks to herself and wants a beast of burden as part of her contract. Hey, come on, kids love that shit. Crazy people I mean. And beasts of burden. Seriously. I would be an asset to your organization.

Well, there you have it employers. The rambling unfiltered thoughts of a soon to be unemployed crazy teacher in the Middle East who wishes she had a camel. Hire me!  I’m awesome and kids love that shit.  Totally – just ask them.

And, for those of you not reading this blog to recruit a teacher (which is weird, ’cause blogs are way better than LinkedIn), enter at your own risk. You’ve been warned.